What I did this summer

spoiler: it's probably not what you'd think...

It hasn’t been my favourite summer, but there was cake…

September 21st 2023

Dear friends,

It’s been a while. In fact it’s been a LONG while. I’m so sorry. I wanted to write but it’s been A TIME over the past six months, specifically the last four. Grab a coffee or a drink - you might need it as I share what my summer has looked like (if you follow me on Instagram or are a real-life friend, you’ll know the story. Indulge me as I share this with more details - and photos! - for many who might not know).

(TW: brain surgery, brain tumour)

No, I am not channelling my inner Amélie LOL (thanks to a kind Instagram follower who suggested short bangs might be my new thing!)

Ok, so this is not the back-to-school photo I was planning on sharing this year and my return to school has been like no other.

Just over four months ago on May 5th, I woke up to discover I had undergone a craniotomy* to remove a sizable meningioma* tumour which was pressing on the right frontal lobe of my brain.

(*click links at your own risk…)

Wait, what? How… When… Why? ALL the questions, right?

Well, then.

Flash back to the start of the school year. It was a tough one and I had not been feeling like "myself" for ages. I put that feeling down to many things: I started the school year with Covid and had a rough recovery, the last few years have been challenging as a teacher, last year I was faced with a new schedule and a few new initiatives as part of my job. So, yeah - along with my age, many of the random and seemingly unrelated symptoms could easily be explained away.

I was doing my best to manage, trying to keep active, seeing my family doctor and a variety of specialist practitioners, all of whom were treating me for legitimate symptoms, but nothing seemed working.

In late March I slipped down a few stairs. This was later described in some doctor’s notes as a “mechanical fall”, meaning I wasn’t dizzy - I must have tripped but I know I didn’t. It was so weird. One minute I was on the stairs, one minute I was on the floor. I didn’t hit my head but I felt pretty off after the fall and was diagnosed with a mild concussion (I checked off all the symptoms boxes) the following week by a concussion specialist. I started treatment for said concussion but it didn’t seem to get better no matter what I did and in early May I got worse (nausea + extreme fatigue added to the mix).

On May 3rd, I didn't wake up to go to work (I was still working part-time at that point) and Neil had to come home from work to see what was up. He found me still in bed and not really “with it”, called the ambulance and I was taken to a nearby hospital. At midnight that day, he was shown one of the scariest images I have ever seen (he didn't show it to me for ages). I was transferred to St Michael’s Hospital in Toronto where there is an ace neurosurgery department and less than 48 hours later, I was going into surgery, having no idea what was going on (me: “Why are they talking about oranges to me?” Sidebar: tumours/ growths are often given an estimated size based on a fruit), and poor Neil, well I can't even imagine what was going through his head during that nearly-5 hour surgery. I do remember him telling me I was going to have the “Greys’ Anatomy-like interns” present for my surgery (St Mike’s is a teaching hospital) and I remember asking one doctor where the GA team was and he said “I’m it for today.” Thankfully, I wasn't fully aware of what the procedure involved until a few days later (even now, I shake my head - gently! - when I think about it).

The surgery went extremely well, the tumour was removed completely (the photos are wild, I won’t share here but trust me when I say they are some of the most fascinating images I’ve ever seen - when I dissociate myself from them, that is!) and was later (12 days later, felt like an eternity) pronounced benign. The surgeon told Neil that I could speak and move all my limbs when he spoke to him as I was in recovery. The basics.

It was scary waking up to see this and not knowing if I could walk but I hopped up and apart from being a bit wobbly post-surgery, I was good to go (ish)!

Post-surgery, there were no neurological deficits (thank goodness, this is not something that was going to be a “given”) and in fact, I was walking along the hospital corridors and “doing stairs” with a walker the very next morning when the Physio team showed up. They really want to get you up and moving and out of the hospital as soon as you are ready and they don’t waste any time if you’re up to it!

You get to wear funky non-slip socks if you are able to walk around the hospital. Bonus! Even got a pair to bring home!

Over the past few months, we’ve seen the right hemisphere of my brain shift back nearly to its proper place. It’s amazing how much the right frontal lobe of your brain controls and how many of my symptoms vanished once the tumour was removed. SO many things that didn’t make sense over the course of a few months DO make sense now. I finally know why I wasn’t feeling myself. Yes, the "old me" returned (nearly immediately). The body is amazing.

Case in point: Just hours out of surgery, when I finally arrived in the trauma ward, I was given my first meal in days. Meatballs and mashed potatoes. Neil set about cutting the giant meatballs into smaller pieces and I started with the mashed potatoes. A couple of mouthfuls in, I declared “These don’t have any butter or cream!” and Neil must have breathed a sigh of relief, as that’s so typically “Mardi” it could only mean one thing - she was going to be ok! Oh and I took a photo. Clearly I was going to be ok LOL!

Proof I was back to my old ways just hours after surgery.

So, surgery went well and the tumour was benign. What next? Typically these types of tumours do not recur but I will be closely monitored with regular MRIs every 6 months for the next few years at least.

And recovery? Well, it's slow. It's a massively invasive procedure (I won’t describe it here but if you have a strong stomach you can click the link at the top of the post). It's just over four months since I woke up to that plate of meatballs and I am still SO GRATEFUL every day that I am here. Mostly now when people ask me how I am, I’ll respond with “Well, I’m here” and it’s not a joke. I don’t take anything for granted these days.

It’s been QUITE the climb and SO much work

Recovery has been the hardest thing I have ever done - patience is not my biggest virtue! And it is SLOW! For the first 2 weeks after I came home from the hospital I wasn’t allowed to be left alone (possibility of seizures and also falling on the stairs… I was also on a fair bit of medication) so Neil arranged for people to come and just be in the house round the clock when he had to go to work while I mostly rested. Friends helped me up and down the stairs, made me meals and sat with me on the front porch (the furthest I ventured for a while).

There was a lot of this…

Week 3 home from the hospital I started walking with a walker - mostly just for security and in case I needed to sit down. A friend lent us a snazzy walker with a built in seat in case you need a rest but I mostly just used it to hold shopping bags as I ventured onto our high street to run small errands, still with friends who would come over if I needed to go out. It was about 5 weeks before I went for a walk unaccompanied; perhaps overly cautious but honestly, with the summer ahead of me, I saw no reason to rush anything. The fatigue from the anaesthesia and the surgery itself was wicked (not to mention the fatigue from months of pushing on despite everything) and I was napping like it was my job.

This made me laugh during the summer. Grammarly, always there to tell it like it is in the weekly report they send you…

At the start of July, I started walking for exercise and started going to Aquafit twice a week. I walked over 120km in that month as I worked on my “time on feet”, in the hopes of getting back to running. July also saw my 8-week follow up appointment and CT scan which went well and my surgeon cleared me for “anything as tolerated”. As someone who second guesses EVERYTHING, this is challenging for me. I’m always thinking “AM I tolerating this?” Slowly I started to feel a bit more like “myself” in terms of fitness, as I added in stretching, mobility and strength - just 30 minute sessions but I could feel my muscles waking up again!

In August, I put on my running shoes again! Neil pledged to join me in my return to running journey and we’re following a gradual return to running run-walk plan with a 5k race in October (sidebar: WILL I be able to NOT go for it and try to beat a certain time? TBD!). We’ve been running 3 x a week for over 7 weeks now (and yesterday Neil complained there were no water fountains where we were running so I guess he’s joined the club LOL!).

When school went back in September, I started with half days…

This week, I went back to full teaching days for the first time since March 31. It’s been amazing and exhausting and we’re just taking it a day at a time. It has been SO GOOD to see my students. My online community cooking club returned last week! Teaching (after 30 years in the classroom) whether it be French or cooking is like riding a bike, thankfully and it’s been reassuring to return to a bit of normal routine. Recovery, though, continues and is definitely still a work in progress.

It's going to be a long while before I've fully come to terms with what happened (I mean, I know I wasn't feeling well but this was a bit extreme!) and it'll be a while before my body is fully healed. Life is a little bit slower these days and that’s OK. I’m learning how much “extra” I can do (after work/ on weekends and right now it’s not much). But I’m getting there. And so grateful to be able to start sharing my story, finally.

While I’ve been gently blogging and documenting life on Instagram, I haven’t been online as much this summer (hence the silence) but don’t worry - there is lots of fodder for future newsletters in my notebooks; I won’t abandon you for months on end again. For one thing, I have BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS (I’ve read 60 books since I left hospital!). And some EASY RECIPES and loads of recipe suggestions. Lots to share. All in good time.

If you’ve made it to this point, thanks for reading. I have so much more to process but starting to write about it this month has helped. Thank you for indulging me. I’ll be back soon with my “eat. live. travel. write” links and book and “what to watch” recommendations. And recipes. I’ll be back!

xo

Mardi